Iıve Got a Little List (Sung by the Lord High Executioner)
If I should ever be called upon professionally, I am happy to think that there will be no difficulty in finding plenty of people whose loss will be a distinct gain to society at large.
As some day it may happen that a victim must be found,
Iıve got a little listIıve got a little list
Of philoso-phic offenders who might well be underground,
And who never would be missedwho never would be missed.
Thereıs the pro-fess-ion-al victims who see ill-use everywhere
All deconstructionists who pull arguments from thin air
All theorists who would truth transmute into what we know
And thereby banish skeptics and every sort of woe
And in conflating fact and practice always do persist
Theyıd none of em be missedtheyıd none of em be missed!
Chorus. Heıs got em on a listheıs got em on a list;
And theyıll none of em be missedtheyıll none of em be missed.
Thereıs the moral relativist, and the others of his race,
And the eliminativistIıve got him on the list!
And folks whose use of powerı makes it work for any case
They never would be missedthey never would be missed!
And the idiot who praises, with grim authority,
All amateurish thinking and all fallacies at sea;
And anyone who claims that there is nothing but a text,
And thinks the past is up to us, as much as what is next;
And that singular anomaly, the hermenuetic feminist
I donıt think theyıd be missedIım sure theyıd not be missed!
Chorus. Heıs got them on the listheıs got them on the list;
And I donıt think theyıll be missedIım sure theyıll not be missed
And he who keeps the title of a view that heıd deny,
The objective phenomenologistIıve got him on the list!
All those who seek to obfuscate when there is no reply
Theyıd none of em be missedtheyıd none of em be missed.
And meta-philosophes of a less-than-savory hue,
Who collect much coin for doing what they claim we cannot do,
AndıStststand Whatıs-his-name, and also You-know-who
The task of filling up the blanks Iıd rather leave to you.
But it really doesnıt matter whom you put upon the list,
For theyıd none of em be missedtheyıd none of em be missed!
Chorus. You may put em on the listyou may put em on the list;
And theyıll none of em be missedtheyıll none of em be missed!