Iπve Got a Little List (Sung by the Lord High Executioner)

If I should ever be called upon professionally, I am happy to think that there will be no difficulty in finding plenty of people whose loss will be a distinct gain to society at large.

As some day it may happen that a victim must be found,

Iπve got a little listãIπve got a little list

Of philoso-phic offenders who might well be underground,

And who never would be missedãwho never would be missed.

Thereπs the pro-fess-ion-al victims who see ill-use everywhereã

All deconstructionists who pull arguments from thin airã

All theorists who would truth transmute into what we knowã

And thereby banish skeptics and every sort of woeã

And in conflating fact and practice always do persistã

Theyπd none of åem be missedãtheyπd none of åem be missed!

Chorus. Heπs got åem on a listãheπs got åem on a list;

And theyπll none of åem be missedãtheyπll none of åem be missed.

Thereπs the moral relativist, and the others of his race,

And the eliminativistãIπve got him on the list!

And folks whose use of åpowerπ makes it work for any case

They never would be missedãthey never would be missed!

And the idiot who praises, with grim authority,

All amateurish thinking and all fallacies at sea;

And anyone who claims that there is nothing but a text,

And thinks the past is up to us, as much as what is next;

And that singular anomaly, the hermenuetic feministã

I donπt think theyπd be missedãIπm sure theyπd not be missed!

Chorus. Heπs got them on the listãheπs got them on the list;

And I donπt think theyπll be missedãIπm sure theyπll not be missed

And he who keeps the title of a view that heπd deny,

The objective phenomenologistãIπve got him on the list!

All those who seek to obfuscate when there is no reply

Theyπd none of åem be missedãtheyπd none of åem be missed.

And meta-philosophes of a less-than-savory hue,

Who collect much coin for doing what they claim we cannot do,

AndπStãåstãåstãand Whatπs-his-name, and also You-know-whoã

The task of filling up the blanks Iπd rather leave to you.

But it really doesnπt matter whom you put upon the list,

For theyπd none of åem be missedãtheyπd none of åem be missed!

Chorus. You may put åem on the listãyou may put åem on the list;

And theyπll none of åem be missedãtheyπll none of åem be missed!